When your time is up

My long day is almost coming to an end now. After serving Nanaji his early dinner and sending him off to an early bed, I have my dinner with my husband, Mom and Dad. After clearing the dishes i am going to resign to my room, switch on my laptop and continue the travelogue that I had been working on.

I stop by my husband's nanaji's room to say goodnight and put eyedrops , which has now become a ritual exclusively for me. No matter who else is around him, he would ask only me to do the job. I admit it makes me happy.The lights are still on. I, playfully make funny hand gesture to see how long it takes for him to realize that someone is standing by the door. He didnt for quite sometime as he has lost his left eye to Cataract and probably also because my NanaJi, an 87 year old fragile figure, kept staring at the ceiling while lying on his bed. I sober down and stand leaning against the wall watching him.. just watching him.

His eyes shrinked , a toothless mouth half open, as if watching his entire life being played on a projector screen. Smiling at scenes where his children are growing up to be fine individuals, feeling the pride when the particular scene is played where he was forced to leave behind his home and garment business in Pakistan during the partition, and he starts from scratch in Rajkot to build even bigger a business.

In one of the shots he saw himself as a King and the luckiest person in the world to have a wife who would make his life so fulfilling; In yet another scene he was a beggar in front of God praying for his terminally ill wife's life.

I see the longing on his face and a trembling jaw making an effort not to choke up. Which scene is he watching now ? Probably the one where his son is getting married and migrating to London with his wife. How he had accepted the painful and dreaded possibility that he would see very little of his son this day onwards. Something twisted in my heart.

He used to be one handsome and tall figure, he still kind of is. But now his wife's absence has opened his eyes to his silver hair, wrinkled skin; and opened his eyes to a doubt that he probably isn't wanted anymore, is a burden , a trouble to the ones who are "stuck" with taking care of him.

He is tired but still wont sleep. He is waiting for the climax of this film. Its late Nanaji, you must sleep now. I know you will keep playing this movie, tomorrow and day after and the day after that, till you find peace and stop waiting for the climax.

There is a climax to every movie. But I hope you act your part to the best of your capability, as long as you are directed to act and when your time is up, you clap - teary eyed, smiling face - and you clap hard at your performance.